Get 7,000+ Student Activities contacts for less than $5!
Comedian Blogs
 
A note on blog etiquette:
This is a community - and the community members make the rules. This site is governed by its members and will continue to be governed by its members. If you do something to upset all the neighbors on your block, it's not the neighbors that caused the problem. Happy blogging!

self deportation and colonizing the moon
Posted on 02/01/2012 at 03:09 PM by Danny Littlejohn

Newt Gingrich thinks that we should colonize the moon and have a tourism industry there. Mitt Romney thinks that if America makes it impossible for illegal aliens to get work that they'll simply move home and self deport themselves. Both of these individuals are absolute imbeciles and these ideas are pretty moronic, but I've been thinking about it and if they could combine these idiotic ideas they could be lauded as geniuses.

If Mitt can convince the illegal aliens to self deport themselves to the moon, the illegals could begin work on Newt's colonization plan.

Brilliant! . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 59 Views | Danny Littlejohn Complete Blog | Back to top |

Nada Surf - Whose Authority
Posted on 01/31/2012 at 05:02 PM by AJ Finney III

. . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 90 Views | AJ Finney III Complete Blog | Back to top |

Loss Prevention
Posted on 01/31/2012 at 11:39 AM by Betty Richardson

Years ago in the 1st "Book of Lists", I saw where some unusual items were insured. Imagine this--only in America would insurers underwrite policies for performers' body parts!

Specifically, the legs of Betty Grable (1940s actress and pinup star) were reputedly insured for a million dollars. This was in the '40s when the dollar was worth something!

Today, could we comedians and comediennes get insurance policies on our vocal cords and voices? I get scared every time I get a cold and cough that laryngitis will show up on a show date, so I try to save my voice, drink lots of water, etc.

An earlier post of mine concluded with "It's not what you say, but HOW you say it." as a response to silent movie comedy. This also applies to the use of the voice! You can't buy vocal cords at the discount store. Unfortunately, there are no vocal-cord transplants nor stem-cell options here. Julie Andrews cannot reach those notes anymore because of a bungled operation--a shame on the medical establishment. . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 59 Views | Betty Richardson Complete Blog | Back to top |

MR.J®
Posted on 01/29/2012 at 06:32 AM by MrJ Bestseller

http://www.amazon.com/AWARD-WINNING-AUTHOR-MR.J/e/B003TMZK24/ E-MAIL: MRJCOMEDYWRITER@GMAIL.COM WEBSITE: OUTSKIRTSPRESS.COM/MEETMRJ facebook.com/mrjwriter booktour.com/author/34510 BOOK EXCERPT: Meet Mr. J, a mouth-breathing-barbaric-lousy-writer so self involved that he failed Astronomy 101 because he literally thought the world revolved around him. Someone once stole his identity but it was quickly returned . . . along with several others to choose from. Mr. J is writing a new book or as he called it "an Amish blog". It will probably have more unread pages than crack dealer's beeper during the 80's. Awards: Indie Print Press, Inc Book Awards (2011) Angie's Diary VIP Award (2011) Underground UK Publishing Book Awards (2011) Edit this post | Permalink Indie Interrogation: Mr. J By Lil Nubi Monday August 22, 2011 http://royalflushmagazine.com/2011/08/22/indie-interrogation-mr-j/ "Today we have an interview with the man, they myth, the legend Mr. J! No, not Mr. J from Americas Next Top Model, but the other Mr. J. Yeah, that’s right…the author of “Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levit: Meet Mr. J”. I simply call it Meet Mr. J, its easier to remember and a hell of a lot easier to say. Let the fun begin, shall we? Who is Mr. J? I mean, does the J stand for something or do you prefer to remain anonymous? I understand if you don’t want your celebrity status to interrupt your daily going-ons. -Mr.J is either the fake author of a real book or the real author of a fake book. -Broken down it’s: Three syllable sounds, two lowercase letters, and one witty writer. -It’s an acronym of “Mostly Ridiculous Jokes”. -I don’t need a pseudonym to keep me from being a famous face in the writer world, my lack of talent as an author has that covered. I’m so unrecognizable that even my driver’s license photo is just a picture of a superimposed question mark stamped over a faceless silhouette. Upon reading your book, the only conclusions I can draw are that you are either schizophrenic, or have an identity complex. Which of these terms can you relate to more? -I don’t have schizophrenia, one of my alter personalities does. -I have multiple personalities, unfortunately, they’re all boring, dull, or both so it’s hard to chose which to be which has lead to my identity complex. I’m not sure which real me to pretend to be or which fake me I really am. -It all started when my identity was stolen then the thief realized who I was and returned it immediately along with several others to chose from. Since then, to me, books on ‘self help’ seem identical to books on ‘helping others’. The book took me twice as long to read than it normally would of, I had to look every third word up in a dictionary. Do you consider yourself to be a wordsmith, and do you talk like this in normal conversation? -The word choice can be confusing like a colour blind kid trying to solve the Rubik’s Cube, like Stevie Wonder trying to parallel park, or like an Amish elder trying to get a job at Radio Shack. -Unfortunately I do talk like this: And people just stare at me like I’m a lava lamp, like I owe them money, or like I’m a French Menu. -I find too many polysyllabic words in a row is boring and causes people to zone out, even my tape recorder gets to a point where it just pretends to listen. Every time: I press record and it yawns. I press rewind and it tries to remember what the last big word I said was. And then finally when I press play, it pretends to run out of batteries. Would you consider yourself to be an intelligent man? Do you feel you’re smarter than the general public and this is why you have to use such a profound vocabulary? -Joking aside (which is to the left side of my superior intelligence and to the right side of the general public shame of their own stupidity/envy of someone else’s intelligence and by ‘someone else’ I mean ‘me’, for all you dumb dumbs out there…but joking aside) I don’t think laughter and learning should be segregated like church and state. And amalgamating vaudeville and vernacular acts as the midwife that births brilliantly infested excerpts of ebullient, erudite, & esoteric entertainment.Am I taller all of a sudden? Nope it’s this soap box underneath my feet, sorry to pompously pretentiously and pedantic parade precipitous pontifications in homage of Hamlet’s hebetudinously humorous Pollonius that took longer to get to the point than the earlobes of Spock. -So yeah, I used to be a narcissistic, megalomaniac, snobbish word-nerd that has been arrogantly self absorbed since I was born, even before that. For example: My sonogram looked like twins but was an illusion because it was a picture of me looking at the genius trapped in my handheld window which the dumber general public still argue was my own reflection in my handheld mirror, either way I’m a winner, an only child and a winner or a twin separated at birth from my identical brother who I assume looks like a winner. -And according to the dumber general public or the public that’s dumber in general, I’m still self involved these days. Example: Recently I failed Astronomy 101 even though I’m smarter than the general public simply due to the small fact that I thought the world literally revolved around me and my brilliance. Upon completion of your book, would I be right to assume you got beat up a lot in school? Don’t be bashful, I’ll keep this between us… -Well, I had home school…So yes. But since I’m an alumnus of Mr.J Academy, I won’t see any of my classmates till my 10 year reunion…aka: Next decade when I look into the mirror and remember how snow days were never canceled and for some reason still held a brief roll call of attendance for the entire student body that consisted of one student, one body, and less than one which if my math is right would be roughly zero or so, when it comes to counting the entire student body’s accumulated total of absences: Since staying home sick meant going to school sick. There are at least 1.2 million different characters in your stories, are they based on real people or do you make most of them up? Do you take real life experiences and turn them into short stories? - I can’t say really. I’m not sure if it’s life imitating art imitating or if it’s art imitating life, but I can say that regardless, either way, I’m sure they’re both imitating an sh*tty book…and an imitation of an imitation is an original, sh*tty, but original. Do you write short stories because you have ADD and can’t focus on one thing for too long? Don’t feel bad, I enjoyed reading all of the stories, and feel if it was just one story I would of been bored out of my mind anyways. -Yes, I have A.D…Hey what’s that? -My book is so ADD that the book mark is a set of shiny keys. -And yeah if it was one long story it would be so exuberantly excruciating for the reader that it should come with a tub & toaster, chair & rope, or razor & note. I found your book to become somewhat addicting, as much as I wanted to putit down…and trust me I really wanted to put it down I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to get to the next story, and the next story, and so on. Did you expect this type of reaction or am I the only one to have this reaction? -You’re the only one who’s read it so I’m not sure. I still haven’t read it. It was hard enough to write a novel, to read one too would be too much. -I assume readers would want to get to the next story in hopes of it being better than the one they’re currently reading, which of course it isn’t. I’m thinking to changing the title to “Screw me out of 12 bucks”. -People often think I was on drugs writing it, so it makes sense that it’s addicting. I’ve heard (cuz like I said, still haven’t read it myself, but I’ve heard from others who have pretended to read it) that it’s so addicting that rehab clinics have now replaced methadone with abridged audio versions of my book narrated by Dr.Drew Pinksy. It seems like your book tour will never end, when it finally does come to a conclusion, what is next on your horizon? -Write an apology letter to everyone who read my book. I’ll be saying the phrase, “I’m sorry” more than Alec Trebek during a game of Celeb Jeopardy featuring Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, and Glenn Beck. So lemme start that long list now: “Sorry” to EACH, EVERY & ALL…two of you. I assume I have at least two readers all together, yeah probably two (that is-if I round up by three). Before this is immortalized on RoyalFlushMagazine.Com, you have anything to say? You better speak now or forever hold your peace! -Yes, subsequently in closing I leave you with 3 things: 1…Buy my book, “Meet Mr.J” written by Mr.J because all precedes go to charity. 2…Since you bought my book, I should be honest and tell ya that yes precedes went to charity but also forgot to mention that I just changed my name from Mr.J to “Charity” and I think it’s ironic that no one gave me my name “Charity”. 3…Finally, now that you’ve bought my book for a “Charity” that just changed it’s name back to “Mr.J”, I’d like to be humble, modest, and meek when I say: You’re welcome! You can pick up Mr. J’s book “Meet Mr. J” at Amazon.Com and you really should. Do you want this guy driving your cab, flipping your burgers, or even mowing your lawn? I didn’t think so. Go buy the book, alright?" E-MAIL: MRJCOMEDYWRITER@GMAIL.COM WEBSITE: OUTSKIRTSPRESS.COM/MEETMRJ facebook.com/mrjwriter booktour.com/author/34510 MR.J'S BOOK REVIEWS "Amphigory Almanac" ranked #38 on AMAZON'S TOP SELLER HUMOR BOOKS LIST July 17,2010 & Mr.J (brandon diddy jones) is nominated as BEST BREAKTRHOUGH AUTHOR 2011 by INDIEPRINT PRESS, INC For more information or to contact the author -topics.dallasnews.com/article/0fJz5Km9DIdOk?q=Barnes+%26+Noble%2C+Inc. Amazon A-list Award Achieving Author, Mr.J is nominated by Indiepress Inc. as BEST BREAKTRHOUGH AUTHOR 2011. -Muse Monthly Magazine Mr.J's new book entitled AMPHIGORY ALMANAC is splendid, superb, and smart. -Travel Trade Tribune Mr.J commands the english language with terrific the power of Zeus that resonates from the surface of the page to the deepest crevice of the reader's imagination. -Word-Nerd World Weekly AMPHIGORY ALMANAC display's Mr.J's elogence and eloquence are subtle yet celebrated in this peice of paperback perfection. -Elite English E-zine Imagine if Mark Twain and Mitch Hedberg had a love-child of literature it would be named Amphigory Almanac. -Quiet Quip Quarterly AMPHIGORY ALMANAC's relentlessly razor sharp and remarkably rapid fire humor create the sparks that could set the entire sky on fire with wickedly wonderful wordplay. -Geek Speak Gazzette Make sure you have a dental plan before cracking open AMPHIGORY ALMANAC'S covers because it will be jaw dropping. -Papercut Press Publishing In the 19th century of fiction there was Lewis Carol, in the 20th century of fiction there was hemmingway, and now as readers embark the 21st century of fiction we fasten our eyes in awe to the newly named sultan of sonnets, the prince of prose, the wizard of wordsmiths: Mr. J. -Novelist Newbie Network What Edison was to electricity, what Marconi was to sound, and what terrible sitcoms was to Sherwood Shwartz is equivalent to what Mr.J is to comedic commantary. -Bookworm Brodcasting Bros. If boredom was a disease Mr.J's homerun hitting humor book AMPHIGORY ALMANAC would be the cure like insulin of intrigue to the diabetes of dullness. -Rainy Reality Review PRESS RELEASE Outskirts Press, Inc. has published it's highly anticipated release of humor, AMPHIGORY ALMANAC: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J by Brandon Craig Jones. The author's most recent book to date is a 5.5 x 8.5 paperback in the literary collections and humor category and is available worldwide on book retailer websites such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The webpage at www.outskirtspress.com/meetmrj was launched simultaneously with the book's publication. Meet Mr. J encompasses a myriad of assorted amphigories ranging from plays on Ben Franklin, lists of one-liners, short stories, teleplays on 'bromance,' pontificated, postulated, and populated prose preponderantly by parading precipitous, pretentious, pompous, polysyllabic pedantry. Finally a voice for an unspoken generation speaks with acerbic wit and ear tickling vernacular that rings true. Parenthetically, 236 typos (i.e. errors of grammar, syntax, semantics, linguistics, etc) have been intentionally left, not to exasperate a maladroit writing skill, but to accent how frivolous and moot rules can be in creative writing. It's a "Where's Waldo" of Errors making it interactive for the grammar gurus' scrutiny. Sometimes the stream of consciousness may seem scatterbrained and unfocused, but this was not done adventitiously. Each word was diligently and rigorously labored over. The steadfast and unwavering pace of self deprecating and self disparaging levity reminds the reader that the mission of the book is to be jocular and jovial at its own faults, follies, and foibles. Debuting author, Brandon C. Jones, hits the scene with his complete collection of work. Each chapter is autonomous and non-interdependent on the others. It's the kind of treatise that can be read in several different settings without losing momentum. Tone, word choice and style fluctuate, but motifs of a throwback to archetypal Woody Allen's erudite absurdity act as the midwife to the birth of a refreshing style of American literature. 139 pages in length, Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J is being aggressively promoted to appropriate markets with a focus on the literary collections and essays category. With U.S. wholesale distribution through Ingram and Baker & Taylor, and pervasive online availability through Amazon, Barnes & Noble and elsewhere, Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity meets consumer demand through both retail and library markets. Additionally, Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity can be ordered by retailers or wholesalers for the maximum trade discount price set by the author in quantities of ten or more from the Outskirts Press Direct bookstore at www.outskirtspress.com/bookstore. ISBN: 1432760076 For more information or to contact the author, visit www.outskirtspress.com/meetmrj. TRIVIA ABOUT MR.J: Brandon Jones majored in English and Communications at Old Dominion University. He's performed standup comedy at HA! Comedy Club in NYC. He's written for radio, TV, and the stage. Mr. Jones has also been published in copious periodicals including News Blaze, TCC Times, VA Pilot, Mace and Crown, Daily Comedy, and Punch Line Magazine. FAV QOUTE FROM BOOK: Favorite Quotations EXCERPT FROM PAGES OF THE NEW BOOK: Last Tuesday Mr.J was struck on the skull with his own shovel. Exactly one week later on his deathbed he confesses to his best friend, "I've been lying, cheating, and stealing behind your back." His best friend replies, "I know, that's why last week I borrowed your shovel." ----------- PUBLISHED INTERVIEW IN MACE&CROWN NEWSPAPER W/MR.J: It is not often that Old Dominion students find ...themselves swathed in literary fame. Old Dominion alumni find their names listed in booksellers, but it is a huge feat when a current student achieves the status of having his/her book sold either online or in bookstores (self-publishing on blogs and writing sites do not count). Meet Brandon C. Jones. He wrote "Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose,& Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J" (might need adictionary for the title alone), is a student, andquite full of wit and comedic charm.Jones got his start being a stand-up comedian at age 17 at Ha! Comedy Club NYC. "Incidentally,I started by writing jokes and they were hebetudinous humor drenched in maladroit mediocrity. Subsequently, I became a preponderantly prolific penman. Parenthetically, some jokes from the stage made it to the page." Such humor exists in jokes like: "I graduated class president, prom king, valedictorian . . . Man, I miss home school. Sure every time I look in the mirror it's a class reunion, snow days are never canceled, but when your body is the student body there's no need for roll call at Brandon Jones Academy." For a good synopsis of the book, the best bet is to read it. Jones said about his book, "My book is confusing at best. Understanding some chapters is like trying to solve the Rubik's Cube . . . color blind . . . Essentially it's either a real book by a fake author or a fake book by a real author." Whichever one it is, it is definitely worth checking out, despite Jones' claim that readers want "an immediate refund and apology" after reading his book. It was not an easy process, writing a book. Jones juggled school and writing, and putting both factors together did not equate perfect results. There were times that he "almost gave up and folded under pressure like origami," but many great authors take detours before arriving at the end of their journey. For his first book, Jones "trott[ed] the uncharted blue marble spinning in the abyss of star sprinkled doubt orbiting the galaxy of inevitable failure, frustration, and disappointment. I had no Rosetta stone, no compass, no archetypal template or formula to guide me. I was lost but kept moving forward at a steadfast and unwavering pace. I was like Lewis or Clark exploring the ragged edges of the universe." However, Jones did get come inspiration from his ODU professors, one of them being Dr. Joy, a Communications professor. "After acing the final exam in her class, I knew I could use sophistry to manipulate some automaton to publish my book even though reading it will you put you to sleep faster than a narcoleptic counting sheep on 20 mg of Ambien." He made an articulate literary shout out to the great American novelist, F. Scott Fitzgerald. "I pay a copious homage to F. Scott Fitzgerald's brilliantly infested passages gleaming like the crimson bloom of the rose colored sun radiating with a subtle elegance yet a celebrated eloquence." Also to Woody Allen. "I also like amalgamating erudition and absurdity like a nerdy Samuel Becket aka Woody Allen pre-Annie Hall." Jones did offer some good advice for aspiring authors. "Think outside of the box and the books. Be the first to write a "Where's Waldo?" book with flat brail that can only be read while using oven mittens. Or a book called "Ventriloquism for Dummies", I can't believe no one's done that double entendre yet." He also remarks on publishing in the era of e-books and instantaneous reading. "Oh and don't publish on paper. It's an iPod era and hardcovers are pre-Marconi phonographs. Printed paper publishing is so outdated it makes Alexander Graham Bell's first prototype look like the unreleased iPhone." Jones is already starting on a new book. "I'm making a yearbook because I never had one in home school. I'm still not sure if I want the last chapter to say, "Have a great summer, KIT", it's just so predictable. Maybe I'll think of a twist ending while picking up some Windex for my class reunion." Asked about what he sees himself doing in ten years, Jones said, "Writing . . . on a cardboard sign, "Will check grammar for food." Or I'll be consumed with intrinsic elation while working on my 3rd novel." Let's hope it's the former. Who knows, he may write the next bestseller including pop-ups, braille, and those little soundbite chips found inside greeting cards. In the meantime, pick up "Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J". It's available online at Amazon,Barnes & Noble, and the Dominion Bookstore. INDIE INTERROGATION: MR. J By Lil Nubi Monday August 22, 2011 .by Comedywriter Mrj on Tuesday, 23 August 2011 at 18:05.Today we have an interview with the man, they myth, the legend Mr. J! No, not Mr. J from Americas Next Top Model, but the other Mr. J. Yeah, that’s right…the author of “Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levit: Meet Mr. J”. I simply call it Meet Mr. J, its easier to remember and a hell of a lot easier to say. Let the fun begin, shall we? Who is Mr. J? I mean, does the J stand for something or do you prefer to remain anonymous? I understand if you don’t want your celebrity status to interrupt your daily going-ons. -Mr.J is either the fake author of a real book or the real author of a fake book. -Broken down it’s: Three syllable sounds, two lowercase letters, and one witty writer. -It’s an acronym of “Mostly Ridiculous Jokes”. -I don’t need a pseudonym to keep me from being a famous face in the writer world, my lack of talent as an author has that covered. I’m so unrecognizable that even my driver’s license photo is just a picture of a superimposed question mark stamped over a faceless silhouette. Upon reading your book, the only conclusions I can draw are that you are either schizophrenic, or have an identity complex. Which of these terms can you relate to more? -I don’t have schizophrenia, one of my alter personalities does. -I have multiple personalities, unfortunately, they’re all boring, dull, or both so it’s hard to chose which to be which has lead to my identity complex. I’m not sure which real me to pretend to be or which fake me I really am. -It all started when my identity was stolen then the thief realized who I was and returned it immediately along with several others to chose from. Since then, to me, books on ‘self help’ seem identical to books on ‘helping others’. The book took me twice as long to read than it normally would of, I had to look every third word up in a dictionary. Do you consider yourself to be a wordsmith, and do you talk like this in normal conversation? -The word choice can be confusing like a colour blind kid trying to solve the Rubik’s Cube, like Stevie Wonder trying to parallel park, or like an Amish elder trying to get a job at Radio Shack. -Unfortunately I do talk like this: And people just stare at me like I’m a lava lamp, like I owe them money, or like I’m a French Menu. -I find too many polysyllabic words in a row is boring and causes people to zone out, even my tape recorder gets to a point where it just pretends to listen. Every time: I press record and it yawns. I press rewind and it tries to remember what the last big word I said was. And then finally when I press play, it pretends to run out of batteries. Would you consider yourself to be an intelligent man? Do you feel you’re smarter than the general public and this is why you have to use such a profound vocabulary? -Joking aside (which is to the left side of my superior intelligence and to the right side of the general public shame of their own stupidity/envy of someone else’s intelligence and by ‘someone else’ I mean ‘me’, for all you dumb dumbs out there…but joking aside) I don’t think laughter and learning should be segregated like church and state. And amalgamating vaudeville and vernacular acts as the midwife that births brilliantly infested excerpts of ebullient, erudite, & esoteric entertainment.Am I taller all of a sudden? Nope it’s this soap box underneath my feet, sorry to pompously pretentiously and pedantic parade precipitous pontifications in homage of Hamlet’s hebetudinously humorous Pollonius that took longer to get to the point than the earlobes of Spock. -So yeah, I used to be a narcissistic, megalomaniac, snobbish word-nerd that has been arrogantly self absorbed since I was born, even before that. For example: My sonogram looked like twins but was an illusion because it was a picture of me looking at the genius trapped in my handheld window which the dumber general public still argue was my own reflection in my handheld mirror, either way I’m a winner, an only child and a winner or a twin separated at birth from my identical brother who I assume looks like a winner. -And according to the dumber general public or the public that’s dumber in general, I’m still self involved these days. Example: Recently I failed Astronomy 101 even though I’m smarter than the general public simply due to the small fact that I thought the world literally revolved around me and my brilliance. Upon completion of your book, would I be right to assume you got beat up a lot in school? Don’t be bashful, I’ll keep this between us… -Well, I had home school…So yes. But since I’m an alumnus of Mr.J Academy, I won’t see any of my classmates till my 10 year reunion…aka: Next decade when I look into the mirror and remember how snow days were never canceled and for some reason still held a brief roll call of attendance for the entire student body that consisted of one student, one body, and less than one which if my math is right would be roughly zero or so, when it comes to counting the entire student body’s accumulated total of absences: Since staying home sick meant going to school sick. There are at least 1.2 million different characters in your stories, are they based on real people or do you make most of them up? Do you take real life experiences and turn them into short stories? - I can’t say really. I’m not sure if it’s life imitating art imitating or if it’s art imitating life, but I can say that regardless, either way, I’m sure they’re both imitating an sh*tty book…and an imitation of an imitation is an original, sh*tty, but original. Do you write short stories because you have ADD and can’t focus on one thing for too long? Don’t feel bad, I enjoyed reading all of the stories, and feel if it was just one story I would of been bored out of my mind anyways. -Yes, I have A.D…Hey what’s that? -My book is so ADD that the book mark is a set of shiny keys. -And yeah if it was one long story it would be so exuberantly excruciating for the reader that it should come with a tub & toaster, chair & rope, or razor & note. I found your book to become somewhat addicting, as much as I wanted to putit down…and trust me I really wanted to put it down I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to get to the next story, and the next story, and so on. Did you expect this type of reaction or am I the only one to have this reaction? -You’re the only one who’s read it so I’m not sure. I still haven’t read it. It was hard enough to write a novel, to read one too would be too much. -I assume readers would want to get to the next story in hopes of it being better than the one they’re currently reading, which of course it isn’t. I’m thinking to changing the title to “Screw me out of 12 bucks”. -People often think I was on drugs writing it, so it makes sense that it’s addicting. I’ve heard (cuz like I said, still haven’t read it myself, but I’ve heard from others who have pretended to read it) that it’s so addicting that rehab clinics have now replaced methadone with abridged audio versions of my book narrated by Dr.Drew Pinksy. It seems like your book tour will never end, when it finally does come to a conclusion, what is next on your horizon? -Write an apology letter to everyone who read my book. I’ll be saying the phrase, “I’m sorry” more than Alec Trebek during a game of Celeb Jeopardy featuring Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, and Glenn Beck. So lemme start that long list now: “Sorry” to EACH, EVERY & ALL…two of you. I assume I have at least two readers all together, yeah probably two (that is-if I round up by three). Before this is immortalized on RoyalFlushMagazine.Com, you have anything to say? You better speak now or forever hold your peace! -Yes, subsequently in closing I leave you with 3 things: 1…Buy my book, “Meet Mr.J” written by Mr.J because all precedes go to charity. 2…Since you bought my book, I should be honest and tell ya that yes precedes went to charity but also forgot to mention that I just changed my name from Mr.J to “Charity” and I think it’s ironic that no one gave me my name “Charity”. 3…Finally, now that you’ve bought my book for a “Charity” that just changed it’s name back to “Mr.J”, I’d like to be humble, modest, and meek when I say: You’re welcome! You can pick up Mr. J’s book “Meet Mr. J” at Amazon.Com and you really should. Do you want this guy driving your cab, flipping your burgers, or even mowing your lawn? I didn’t think so. Go buy the book, alright? http://royalflushmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/indieint.jpg http://royalflushmagazine.com/2011/08/22/indie-interrogation-mr-j E-MAIL: MRJCOMEDYWRITER@GMAIL.COM WEBSITE: OUTSKIRTSPRESS.COM/MEETMRJ facebook.com/mrjwriter booktour.com/author/34510 Best Seller London · Jul 2010 to present · London, United Kingdom Awards: Indie Print Press, Inc Book Awards (2011) Angie's Diary VIP Award (2011) Underground UK Publishing Book Awards (2011) Edit this post | Permalink MR.J BIO: Meet Mr. J, a mouth-breathing-barbaric-lousy-writer so self involved that he failed Astronomy 101 because he literally thought the world revolved around him. Someone once stole his identity but it was quickly returned . . . along with several others to choose from. Mr. J is writing a new book or as he called it "an Amish blog". It will probably have more unread pages than crack dealer's beeper during the 80's. MR.J'S BOOK REVIEWS "Amphigory Almanac" ranked #38 on AMAZON'S TOP SELLER HUMOR BOOKS LIST July 17,2010 & Mr.J (brandon diddy jones) is nominated as BEST BREAKTRHOUGH AUTHOR 2011 by INDIEPRINT PRESS, INC For more information or to contact the author -topics.dallasnews.com/article/0fJz5Km9DIdOk?q=Barnes+%26+Noble%2C+Inc. Amazon A-list Award Achieving Author, Mr.J is nominated by Indiepress Inc. . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 96 Views | MrJ Bestseller Complete Blog | Back to top |

King of the List
Posted on 01/25/2012 at 09:47 AM by April Brucker

Check out my new webseries King of the List on KoldcastTV. First it was open mics, then it was booked spots on the road, then it was a mishap on morning TV, then it was reality stardom, then it was a cult following and now I am hoping to go to Hollywood. Take a look. http://www.koldcast.tv/video/ventriloquist_duh xxoxoxo April . . . more . . .

| 1 Comment | 199 Views | April Brucker Complete Blog | Back to top |

Some Recent Jokes That Didn't Sell
Posted on 01/20/2012 at 04:11 AM by Shaun Eli

Newt Gingrich is accusing Mitt Romney of raising taxes on the blind by charging them ten dollars to receive a Certificate of Blindness. Even worse? He just took their ten dollars and sent them blank sheets of paper.

Dunkin' Donuts announced that it plans to double its number of stores over the next 20 years. Also announcing plans to double in size? Your ass.

Have you heard that travel agents started selling flights into space? They're only $200,000. Plus $25 for each checked bag, oh, and the million dollar "Return to Earth" fee.

Political experts are saying that the other candidates went easy on Mitt Romney in yesterday's debate because they're hoping he'll pick them for vice president. I guess this explains the bouquet of roses Romney got last night from a confused Joe Biden.

Last week a Rhode Island man purchased a winning lottery ticket at a neighborhood strip club. Or as he put it to his wife? Honey, I've got some good news, and some bad news...

Yesterday's Republican debate was co-sponsored by facebook. So to attract the youth vote Newt Gingrich updated his status, from "married" to "it's complicated" to "If she's got cancer I'm out of here."

The Fox Network said they're planning to start airing cartoons on Saturday nights. Fox is famous for cartoons like The Simpsons, Futurama and Fox News.

In one of the weekend presidential debates former ambassador to China Jon Huntsman spoke a few words of Chinese. Not to be outdone Ron Paul delivered his rebuttal entirely in Romulan.

Iran has warned the U.S. not to send our aircraft carriers into the Persian Gulf. Of course as soon as they realized how much oil those ships burn they said "Hey, how fast can you get here?"

Doctors report that the number of twins being born has doubled since 1980. Not doubling since 1980? Your chance of hitting that. . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 227 Views | Shaun Eli Complete Blog | Back to top |

Volcanoes, Death and Mediocre Professors
Posted on 01/18/2012 at 11:34 PM by Isaac Thomas

As this current semester rolled around I really needed to take another science class to finish off my associates degree. Science has never been my stronghold. The only thing I ever understood about science was volcanos and that was just because I made one out of clay every single year. Because of that I am now an expert on volcanos. For example I know that to make a volcano erupt God pours the perfect combination of baking soda and vinegar into the hole at the top of the volcano, a hole which exists because God stuck his finger in the top when the earth was still moldable. When the volcano juice (as it’s known in the science community) spills out of the top of a volcano it usually comes out way faster than anyone expected and gets all over the table and spills on somebody’s pants leaving a sour smelling stain in their greater crotch area. That person will then spend the rest of the day trying to convince others that they did not pee their pants.

My clay volcanos never failed to get me a good science grade until that fateful day in 10th grade biology when I tried to turn another volcano in as my final project. My teacher was one of those obnoxious young teachers that thought his efforts in the classroom were going to inspire us to accomplish great things in life. He put his heart and soul all semester into trying to help us to appreciate the wonders of living organisms, to realize the beauty of a blood-flow system, to grasp the majesty and magnitude of a cell. Boy was he disappointed when I turned in a clay volcano for my final project. I had a friend who took the same class the next year. He said all they did was watch videos.

Knowing science was going to be a major hurdle I spent four hours on ratemyprofessors.com trying to find the easiest professor I could. I kept reading reviews that would say things like

“This professor is excellent! He makes you earn your grade but he is worth it!”

“Best professor ever! I grew so much in his class! He made us work really hard but I grew a lot!”

I don’t need any crap like that. My attitude toward college is “just give me my freakin’ credit and let me get out of here.” Finally after literally 4 hours of searching I found a review that said

“This professor is boring as snot but it’s an easy A.”

Perfect! Sign me up!

I registered for that professor’s class without even knowing what the subject was. I didn’t care. Supposedly it was the easiest way out and I was sticking with it. It did say on my schedule that the abbreviation for the class was GEO so I just assumed it was a geology class. For the first three class periods the professor kept talking about maps and elevations and climate regions. I kept thinking “This is geology class, when are we going to get to the rocks?” I was talking with a friend about it and she suggested that perhaps it was a geography class instead of a geology class. Intrigued by the possibility I whipped out my syllabus and sure enough Geography 1010 written in bolded lettering right at the top.

I guess if I can’t even figure out what class I am in I should be in the easiest class possible. I just really hope nobody figures out where that sour smelling stain in my pants came from. . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 239 Views | Isaac Thomas Complete Blog | Back to top |

Living & doing Comedy
Posted on 01/17/2012 at 01:29 PM by karen fitzgerald

I have never had a pssion for something like I do comedy. It is the one thing I have wanted to do since I was a little kid. Entertain, be on stage.And here I am at the wonderful age of 56 (insert sad/sarcastic face) and kind of living that dream

Every comedian I have talked to that I trust and respect their work and opinion have all said, if you want to be a working comedian, you need to be doing it full time

I wish my electric and phone company felt the same. I realize there are many comics out there that work a full time job, maybe have a family, and still do comedy...and my hat is off to them

I have recently started looking and interviewing for employment in the "regular" working world, because I don't make anywhere near enough to live on just what I make as a comic

And it's not that I am lazy, or think I am too good for a job...it's just that it seems everything I look at, will interfere with comedy work - means no more out of town gigs, going on the road. Trying to leave a job at 6 and get somewhere for a show out of town by 8 is not always doable.

I don't want to lose whatever little footing I have right now in the comedy world and I know how easily you can be forgotten in this business...so whats the answer?

What do some of you guys do to make it work? I am willing to do without a lot of things and already have to pursue this, but there is a realistic limit

would love to hear from the comedy world on this.....thank you . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 253 Views | karen fitzgerald Complete Blog | Back to top |

New Video Sketch: “The Tagliner”
Posted on 01/13/2012 at 11:58 AM by Kevin Froleiks

Check out this video that I wrote and starred in!

Filming and editing was done by Lisa Romagnoli of Notion Films!


. . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 288 Views | Kevin Froleiks Complete Blog | Back to top |

Happy New Year!
Posted on 01/02/2012 at 05:15 PM by Kate Brindle

My New Year's Eve started this way:

The Resolution 5K in Lansing (taken before we snorted kale, freebased B-12 and smoked the competition).

And ended this way:

On stage at Connxtions Comedy Club, double-fisting it before the ball dropped.

It was a wonderful day. To see more pictures, you can visit my Facebook album, located here. And by the way, while you're at it, I sure would appreciate if you gave my Facebook page a big ol' "like."

2011 was a year of great adventure! Some highlights:

-I traveled to Costa Rica for the first time.

-I performed in the following states for the first time:
-Nevada
-Oregon
-Idaho
-Montana
-Florida
-Kansas
-Nebraska
-South Dakota

-I moved in with my main squeeze and my step-cat (note to self: must write new jokes that aren't about living at home with my mamacita).

-I started working (professionally) in animal rights again, this time for Animals and Society Institute.

-I ran my first 5K.

-I attended my first NASCAR race.

-I did some protesting and took a trip with the Animal Liberation Project.

-I saw the loves of my life in concert again.

-I did a couple of commercials, including this one:


-I walked the Mackinac Bridge for the first time.

Of course, I made resolutions/goals for next year, too. They are as follows:

-I will complete a 10K.
-I will give up soda completely.
-I will hold at least one mayorship on foursquare (hey, I had to make that was actually attainable).

Happy 2012, y'all!

. . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 156 Views | Kate Brindle Complete Blog | Back to top |

Political, United States, Elections
Posted on 01/01/2012 at 10:21 AM by Mitchel Yerzy

Having criticized each other mercilessly for months, how can the Republican Candidates emerge from the Primaries as allies? I guess they strike a DELEGATE balance. . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 461 Views | Mitchel Yerzy Complete Blog | Back to top |

This Made More Christmas Sense to Me Than Most Things
Posted on 12/25/2011 at 04:07 PM by Mindy Matijasevic

"Today, some are celebrating an underprivileged mom giving birth in a stable, to a baby who grew up to be a prominent activist for peace, love and anti-capitalist values; who preferred the company of honest prostitutes, the poor and the disabled than that of the religious or financial elite; who partook in radical direct action against the banking system and who, at the conclusion of his life, was executed publicly as an enemy of state. Jesus was a revolutionary -- Merry Christmas!"

--from Occupy Denver

I wish you a safe and peaceful season that might inspire you throughout your life.

And toys. I wish you get some of the toys you want. . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 632 Views | Mindy Matijasevic Complete Blog | Back to top |

Everyone Wins with Howard Stern Judging “America’s Got Talent”
Posted on 12/19/2011 at 10:58 PM by Danny Browning

If you haven’t heard by now, Howard Stern was recently named as the newest judge on the NBC show America’s Got Talent. As soon as the decision was announced, Stern fans worldwide rejoiced while his haters…well they hated. Some people say he’ll be on his “best behavior” (whatever that means) while others think he’s going destroy the lives of many talented people, including the children who participate on the the show. Nobody knows for sure what’s going to happen…except for me.

Whoever made the decision to hire Howard Stern for this position deserves a raise. Some say it’s Simon Cowell while others say it’s NBC. In either case, the person(s) are geniuses. This decision helps everybody and here’s how.

NBC- With Howard Stern comes ratings and NBC will have the highest rated show on TV. Whether people like him or not, they will all tune in to see what he’s going to say next. That’s the magic of Howard and why he’s been so successful all of these years. He has the uncanny ability to get people talking.

America’s Got Talent – The show has got the bolt of lighting it needs to be taken more seriously. Like him or hate him, Howard Stern brings a certain legitimacy to the show that it never had before. There are a lot of people who respect Howard and his opinions and will watch just to hear what he thinks. I’ve already seen several facebook posts of Stern fans who say they’ve never seen Amercia’s Got Talent before but they will definitely start watching now.

The Viewers – All of us who watch the show will be thoroughly entertained. Whether Howard is praising a young talented singer or berating a helpless Juggler, his reviews of performances will be unpredictable and unforgettable. Because he’s based his entire career on being honest, we can look forward to him giving his true opinion and not worrying about what others think. The show will be more “real” with Howard judging which means more entertaining for us, the viewers.

The biggest winner of all is of course Howard Stern. AGT is moving the show’s production to New York City and paying him an insane amount of money. He’ll be getting a lot of face-time and publicity because of the show, which I believe will result in even more listeners to his radio show, which in-turn means even more subscribers to Sirius Satellite Radio. (Another Winner) Doing this show will just be one more gig on his resume that continues to solidify his legacy as King of All Media.

What do you think? Is Howard Stern a good fit for America’s Got Talent? Leave your comments below!

http://www.dannybrowning.biz
http://www.facebook.com/dannybrowningcomedy
http://www.twitter.com/dannycomedy
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/happy-go-lucky/id434652217
Danny Browning Comedy

Share on Facebook . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 451 Views | Danny Browning Complete Blog | Back to top |

The "NEXT"...
Posted on 12/17/2011 at 07:14 PM by Lamont Ferguson

I know it's been awhile but I'm back.... I'm watching an hour special on Comedy Central- Congratulations comedy! You've now become the NBA; constantly looking for the "NEXT" Michael Jordan or in your case, the "NEXT" Chris Rock or Carlin or whomever. Here's a note- There isn't one. And this guy (who I am deliberately leaving as unnamed but if you want to do research it aired from 3:38-4:38 am PST on Sat- Yes, I know it's early and it's my own fault for being up. I overnapped, get off me) Anyway, this guy definitely isn't it. Way to go comedy! Just like how I get to watch kids in the NBA who lack the major fundamentals of the game; how about hitting a mid range jumper with any type of consistency. The 80 year old guy who played I played with as kid at my rec center had to be more feared than you at 17 feet from the hoop. I now get to watch kids do comedy an hour at a time who lack the major fundamentals of the craft. Nicely done comedy. Here's a thought: STOP looking for the "next" anyone and just find the "current" funny someone. Someone that's actually put in the work of honing the craft. I know that sounds crazy. I know that requires you to break out of the mold of the mold making business, but I think you can do it. I believe in you comedy. Eddie Murphy was an anomaly, George Carlin was a freak of nature and Imogene Coca has always been Imogene Coca. Huh? what? (Oh and "next" Comedy Rock Star, that was a "rule of three" example...yes, I know you don't know, but you're welcome just the same) These people were special. There's no guarantee that each generation gets to have their own, that's why they stood out so much. When did we become the society that needs to constantly have a standard to compare something to give it justification? Things can no longer merely stand on their own merit? Every example gets compared to the freshest previous memory. It's the 9-11 syndrome. Every disaster is now compared to it; "That's like (fill in the blank's> 9-11." No, it's not. Everything stands on its own. That’s' how you know it's unique. Otherwise 9-11 would be referred to as "our War of 1812." I came up in a bad time with a bad adage. That adage was, don't do anything before you're ready. Congratulations comedy, you've finally made that completely obsolete. By the way, Chris Rock wasn't Chris Rock when he was doing open mics. Hell, Chris Rock was even THE Chris Rock before Bring the Pain. The drawback of trying so hard to find the "next anyone is that you often overlook the "current" someone standing in your line of sight. There are so many out there, I'd hate to name any for fear of leaving out some. You can do it comedy, give it a try. If the NBA can start drafting white players out of Europe that can drain a 20 foot jumper fifty percent of the time, then you can find a comic that can perform a funny, honed, well constructed set. It's not that difficult. Comedy, you know what is difficult? Trying to sit through a televised open mic. If anyone needs me, I'm open 18 feet from the basket. Hand down...Man down! The "CURRENT" Lamont Ferguson . . . more . . .

| 0 Comments | 751 Views | Lamont Ferguson Complete Blog | Back to top |

Your Announcement Here!
Get seen by thousands of comedians, fans, and industry. As low as $5 a day!

Your Ad Here