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TONI NAGY
Nursing the Teat of the Earth Dry

| 0 Comments | 0 Views | Back to top | Posted on 04/25/2018 at 06:20 PM
 

We all have shamanic rituals we enact to get through life on this earth – these sacred routines that help connect you to your higher self and escape the harshness of reality. Maybe for you it’s taking a bath, gardening, staring at the stars, breathing in the wind, digging a ditch to then writhe naked with the worms while humming show tunes, or watching Internet porn? To each his own. For me, I like to walk around the lake by my house – it’s pretty.

The other day as I was walking, it started to rain. I looked above me and could see the rain cloud, but also a patch of blue sky in front of me. I figured, “Oh Toni, you’re right underneath the rain cloud, so you just have to run in front of it to where the sky is blue, and then you won’t get rained on anymore!” Yes, you heard me right. I thought I could outrun a rain cloud, and genuinely tried to accomplish that goal for the remaining 3 miles around the lake – and wouldn’t you know it – I never was able to RUN FASTER THAN THE EARTH’S ROTATION? Weird right?

Or maybe it was weird that I authentically thought this was possible? Oh whoops, I forgot to tell you I was pretty stoned during this experience, so that might explain some things.

We think we are in control of the earth. Humanity maintains this illusion that we have power over the planet and that we Sapiens are the priority above all other the species, and even the planet itself. We believe that all the earth’s bounty and resources are primarily for us to sustain our lives, even at the cost of everything else. Yet why? For thousands of years mankind was much more in tune with the harmony of the natural world and our place inside it, rather than above it. Why have we become corrupted into assuming that humans deserve to consume everything in our wake?

A hostile ideology towards nature has permeated modern thinking and Francis Bacon, who is considered the father of empiricism and “Western” scientific method, ejaculated this attitude. Bacon would use analogies of raping and controlling the earth when discussing the need for science as a means to dominate nature. His metaphors were filled with violence towards the feminine, and it was his teachings that birthed our Western relationship to science.

No wonder we as a species are acting so viciously towards the planet. There is a collective sentiment of domination over nature like she is a woman that needs to be put in her place. The arrogance that nature can be restricted is echoed in the way the world treats women and all that the feminine has come to represent. Consider our relationship oil – it’s as if we are sucking at the teat of the world, yet giving her no time to replenish. Is it really a good idea to keep nursing until there is no more milk left to nourish? Doesn’t mother earth, like an actual nursing mother, need time to rejuvenate? Even a baby knows to take a break and stare into space for a little while or play with its fingers. How are we so smart about so many things, yet so unaware that you can’t treat the earth, or women, like they are purely vessels for taking whatever you want from them?

We use the term “mother nature” acknowledging the symbiotic relationship that the planet sustains all life, yet we simultaneously treat her like a disposable whore. There is a psychological conflict that’s taking place and it’s reiterated in the way women are treated across the globe. The violence towards the earth is reverberated in the violence towards women. We take advantage of the mother earth much like we take advantage of mothers. If the mother instinct prevailed, then preservation of the future would be the top priority over money and the restrictions of a privatized global economy. Every decision would be made under the lens of “what is best for my children” rather than “what is best for me.” Yet sadly, and irrationally, that’s not our approach.

The human species is the greatest ecological serial killer the earth has ever known. Over the past 50,000 years a staggering amount of animals have gone extinct because of our influence. We are in the midst of a 3rd mass extinction of animals right now. Our 3rd! We have done this before. North America used to be the home of giant 8-ton sloths that were 20 ft high. There were rodents the size of bears. Wooly mammals. Giant Tigers. Right here where you’re sitting! All the animals that exist today, are a mere fraction of what used to be – we killed them all. And all that death made way for what? The most useless generation of humans ever to exist? Yeah maybe we can text really fast while driving, but we don’t know shit about survival. Human beings at least used to be one with their environment – I don’t even know how to keep myself alive without a refrigerator. I just go to the grocery store and am like, “Uhhhh this box of food looks look good.” Most of us are useless. We’re not inventing solutions to the world’s problems; we’re just creating more trash.

Yet even if all the citizens in the US lived in intentional communities of off the grid geodesic domes, ate only organic vegan food grown locally in our shoes, dressed exclusively in clothes that were hemp colored hemp, and traveled purely by unicycle – the military industrial complex would still be polluting the planet at an alarming rate. We can’t just change our personal behavior; we also have to address the entire system that operates without consideration of the future, which I know, feels exhausting.

So yes, we as individuals have to do everything we can to be more ecologically aware and lesson our footprint, but we also can’t forget about the GIANT BOOT on our chests that is the US military, and most of corporate culture that operates by the rules of Wall Street rather than the laws of nature.

Hope y’all had a good earth day over the weekend and weren’t thinking about the apocalyptic shit that I was!

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MARTIN SKITZOBILL MALLOY
I got a website

| 0 Comments | 40 Views | Back to top | Posted on 04/09/2018 at 03:54 AM
 

I got a website it's veryfunnycomedy.com I've been getting more paid gigs lately and will get alot more when I get a car in January. I won a comedy contest at hilarities in Cleveland Oh. That is the 3rd comedy contest I won. I am in the Youngstown comedy festival in may. I updated my contact info . . . more . . .

CHARLES S. SMITH (MC'S & FEATURE)
Belmore Bean cafe

| 0 Comments | 193 Views | Back to top | Posted on 01/30/2018 at 02:12 PM
 

Ok so i went to the cafe last night & 2 woman try to het on me that KNOW that I'm Gay & they still try. So sad when i see this And i say NO you are NOT my type i into MEN - Fuck off #KICKROCKS . . . more . . .

SASKIA
NastySnacks Live Show

| 0 Comments | 203 Views | Back to top | Posted on 01/26/2018 at 09:45 PM
 

My comedy partner, Amanda, and I are excited to announce a NastySnacks LIVE SHOW set for March 3rd! We'll record a special episode of our podcast at the StarDome Comedy Club for a live audience.

We have multiple snacks to cover for listeners, and special surprises planned for those in attendance. This event is by invitation, but we're pretty loose - send us a request, and we'll send you an invite!

Connect with the NastySnacks podcast on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram @NastySnacksPod . . . more . . .

SARETH NEY
First Annual Corazon Comedy Festival

| 0 Comments | 596 Views | Back to top | Posted on 10/15/2017 at 09:30 PM
 

Corazon Comedy Festival was started by Sareth Ney. After he messaged owner of Corazon Cinema and Café, Karla Wagner, Ney wanted to help her rebuild. When he saw the photos of what Hurricane Matthew did to the establishment, he was devastated. Then, Hurricane Irma destroyed most of the property too.

Instead of resulting to crowdfunding websites, Ney wanted to take the traditional approach. He wanted to heal with laughter, sponsorships, advertisements and other ways. He wanted to do anything he could to help rebuild the theater and the city (St. Augustine, Florida) he loved.

Ney noticed there was not a comedy festival in north Florida. He wanted to bring one there. Central and south Florida has comedy festivals and he wanted to complete the rest of the state. Also, another reason he wanted to create the Corazon Comedy Festival was because he has a lot of comedian friends. The majority of his comedian friends were unable to afford travel expenses to participate at his other comedy-related festival in Pueblo, Colorado called Sareth-Fest Music and Comedy Festival.

All of the proceeds for Corazon Comedy Festival will go directly to rebuilding the Corazon Cinema and Café. Hopefully, it will help cover the majority or all of the expenses it accrued.

Price of entry is $5 for college students and military personnel. It will be $10, for those 18 and older. It takes place at Corazon Cinema and Café, on Dec. 17. There will be plenty of free parking all around the theater. There will be activities (i.e. workshops, classes, podcasts and more) at the festival too. The prices to attend each one will vary.

Submission fees are the following: stand-up comedy is $10, podcast is $15, motion pictures are $20 and improv/sketch is $25. Sponsorships and advertisements opportunities are available too. For ad space at the theater, it is $50 and it will be for the month of December. For $100—ad space on Ney’s publication, www.aqdpi.com, will be available. 100s will see their ads at the Corazon Cinema and Café. 10s of 1,000s will see their ads on all of the content Ney produces on his publication, for the month of December. To purchase ad space, please pay through PayPal and to the email: karla.wagner@thecorazoncinema.com.

Submission fees can be paid on the Corazon Cinema and Café’s website, by visiting www.corazoncinemaandcafe.com/events. There is a link to the application, underneath the PayPal information. . . . more . . .

SPENCER DOBSON
Cartoons

| 0 Comments | 912 Views | Back to top | Posted on 08/11/2017 at 09:38 AM
 

Hello Comedy Soapbox viewer.

I've been working on a web series called cartoons. I use audio from my act and animate the bits, turning them into a visual experience that is ideally suited for being something to watch while you poop. If you would like to check them out, you can do so here:

Cartoons

I hope you like them, please subscribe.

Thanks

Spencer . . . more . . .

CRYSTAL LOWERY
Creepy Ginger Kid

| 0 Comments | 782 Views | Back to top | Posted on 07/01/2017 at 10:03 PM
 

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GABE MOLLICA
Medium.com/100sets

| 0 Comments | 798 Views | Back to top | Posted on 06/21/2017 at 09:16 AM
 

Medium.com/100sets . . . more . . .

VIRGINIA JONES
Pubic Opinion

| 0 Comments | 817 Views | Back to top | Posted on 05/18/2017 at 08:39 PM
 

Where does your pendulum swing for body hair?


virginia jones

Recently, I was staying over with my best girlfriend and we were getting ready for a night out together, like we were in high school.  (We are not in high school, or, at least, I’m not.  I wouldn’t ask her age, because that’s rude, but she never seems to do any homework, and she drinks, so she’s either an adult or a bad student.)

“And I haven’t waxed my bush in weeks, so, you know” she said, pulling a high ponytail through an elastic, “that keeps me from going home with anyone.”

I couldn’t keep my face from scrunching up as I asked her, “What?  Why?”

“Oh, you know…”she said, “I just wouldn’t want anyone to see it like that.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“You know.  It’s a mess.”

“Well, you know,” I replied, a little annoyed, “my bush is so old-school it once beat Billie Jean King at tennis, and nobody has ever complained about it.”  She looked at me with a look of shock and disbelief, but it’s true.  I’ve been naked in front of lots of people, I mean a lot, (sorry mom), and the response to my hair has either been positive or no stated opinion, according to the exit polls.

Deforestation

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Body hair is 100% a personal decision and whatever you choose to do with it is A-OK, but there was a cultural moment when it felt compulsory- I understand that if you do sex work, deforestation is part of the uniform, but does every barista and blogger HAVE to go full Vin Diesel?  But it is, no pun intended- a touchy subject.

In the 1900’s, only art models and prostitutes (and let’s face it- many times the same people) got rid of their pubic hair, and because of this, the pre-Raphaelite artist John Ruskin was totally unprepared for his wife’s hair on their wedding night and was unable to perform sexually.  She went crying to a doctor, was told that she was perfectly normal and lovely, and left her unconsummated marriage and married another painter friend of his who thought her pubis was nice.

Pub Fashion

It’s been in vogue for so long, it seems like the Brazilian has always been the dominant geographic region affecting our areas-but the fact, Americans left their sites untouched for years and years, until the bikini was introduced in the 50’s.  The swimsuit was named after the A-bomb testing site in the Bikini Atoll, and it was like a bomb was dropped on natural bush.

In the 70’s, women burned their bras and let themselves grow free, but in the 80’s we had maillot one-pieces and Donna Karan bodysuits and women adopted the “landing strip” look- flattering for lots of fashions, but still delineating one from a prepubescent.  Hard-edged, graphic, it was probably what the ladies in the Nagel drawings had, if we ever saw a naked one. 

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AJ FINNEY
Comedy Works Downtown

| 0 Comments | 1238 Views | Back to top | Posted on 05/08/2017 at 03:37 PM
 


Tuesday 5/9/17 I will be performing at Comedy Works Downtown for New Talent Night. Show starts at 8:00

Comedy Works Downtown
1226 15th St, Denver, CO 80202  . . . more . . .
 

Celebrity Income Breakdown

  • Kellyanne Conway – 18% Political Consulting Fees; 50% White House Salary; 32% Royalties from the Wizard of Oz (Wicked Witch)
  • Vladimir Putin     – 22% President Salary; 60% Oil & Gas Investments; 18% ‘Sexy espionage chat-line’ with U.S. officials
  • Justin Bieber     – 70% Music & tickets sales; 19% T-Shirt Endorsements; 11% Don’t wear a t-shirt endoresements
  • Barack Obama     – 10% Book Sales; 62% Speaking Fees; 28% Sexy photo-ops with Sir Richard Branson
  • Hillary Clinton     – 19% Speaking fees; 33% Political consulting fees; 47% Japanese robot teaching fees
  • Ivanka Trump     – 15% Trump International; 55% Ivanka Trump Line; 30% Kellyanne Conway Referrals to the Ivanke Trump Line
  • Melania Trump  – 29% Melania Trump Line; 71% Air-Bnb
  • Adele     – 32% Music & ticket sales; 68% Break-up ringtone downloads
  • The German Shepherd that won Best In Show at 141st Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show – 72% Winnings;  18% Signature dog biscuit line; 10% Royalties for using his fire hydrants
  • The Trainer of the The German Shepherd that won Best In Show at 141st Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show – 68% Winnings of dogs; 12% Training Fees; 20% Sales of his own fertilizer
  • The American Girl Boy Doll – 76% Sales; 24% Income from being the ‘man of the house’
  • The American Girl Doll – 84% Sales; 16% Child Support (she divorced the ‘man of the house’)

 

Buzzfeed is Running out of lists

  • 11 robots that have more personality than Hillary Clinton
  • 12 people left, that Donald Trump hasn’t lashed-out at on Twitter
  • 15 crazy plots for new Marvel Comics movies
  • 23 dirty names substituted for ‘Amal’ Clooney
  • 15 things broken by Beyonce fans after she didn’t win
  • 18 things Drake said when helping talk a suicidal man off a bridge
  • 12 Selena Gomez ‘Sugar Momma’ dutues
  • 19 trendy love words (like ‘bae’ and ‘boo’) that are not allowed in Scrabble
  • 24 offensive chalk-heart Valentine’s Day sayings
  • 12 other things Kellyanne Conway is promoting on 24 hour news
  • 13 things that would make Sean Spicer’s head explode
  • 17 offensive things PewDiePie will do now that Disney dumped his ass

 

 

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MELISSA LOGSDON
January 2017

| 0 Comments | 1138 Views | Back to top | Posted on 01/19/2017 at 12:19 PM
 

Here's some clips from my show last night at Lakewood Village Tavern! https://youtu.be/9na4lo5H8nw https://youtu.be/waN1IggDC4M . . . more . . .

ŽIGA HANZIC
Some sick jokes for ya'll!

| 0 Comments | 1230 Views | Back to top | Posted on 11/25/2016 at 05:54 AM
 

I decided I want to learn more about programming and databases lately, so I decided to create a website. Now the most difficult thing for me was, deciding what kind of website to start. So I just decided to write a few jokes and put it online. I would worry about the exact content later... And later came and I just kept adding jokes to the website... Still no other idea so I added a few more jokes that made me giggle or shocked my friends... And then I decided to just go with It. I would make my website public and just add jokes to it. Thus Just Jokes was born.

It is nothing special, just a website where I post jokes that I find funny. Some I find online, some were told to me by friends ands some I just made up. I decided to keep adding jokes and maybe improve on the website itself. I'll see how it goes. If you want to check it out it is available on www.justjokes.cf

So I hope you all like the jokes and the website and any comment is always welcome! Thank you all and have a good night!

P.S. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old! . . . more . . .

MIKE RAO
On Video

| 0 Comments | 1333 Views | Back to top | Posted on 11/21/2016 at 02:35 PM
 

So, I headlined a show about a month ago and there were cameras there to film a pilot for a stand up comedy series. Long story short, looks like they are going to sell the show and I get to be on TV! What's great about this is, I sat with the director and was able to edit about a 25 min segment of my headline act to send to bookers. He also agreed to cut me a 5 min teaser for You Tube. Thanks Matt Miller. . . . more . . .

JAMAL COLEMAN
my fan collector!

| 0 Comments | 1290 Views | Back to top | Posted on 11/04/2016 at 05:07 PM
 

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JENNIFER FINLEY
Upcoming Show

| 0 Comments | 1367 Views | Back to top | Posted on 10/28/2016 at 10:46 PM
 

I'll be performing at borderlands brewery in downtown Tucson on November 2nd! . . . more . . .

JOE FERNANDES
Episode 39

| 0 Comments | 1375 Views | Back to top | Posted on 10/24/2016 at 10:20 AM
 

This week we talk to Mike in Vegas again which makes us talk about gambling again. Plus some talk about comedy. Subscribe, Rate & Review Follow them www.joefernandes.net www.mikegaffneylive.com   Check out this episode! . . . more . . .

 

Imagine: You’re a mechanical engineering student at Stanford University – one of the most elite colleges in the world. On a typical weeknight, you’re powering through your homework problems for Compressive Flow/Turbo Machinery, studying for an upcoming exam in Fluid Mechanics, building a solar power race car, presenting a camera mount (that you designed) at an engineering fair, or meeting with one of the four student groups that you’re a leader of. Oh, and you do stand up comedy. You run an open mic at the campus coffee shop on Fridays where you perform in front of an audience of maaaaaybe 10 people. By the time the mic is over, there will be 3 of them left. One, an old man who lives in a trailer and plays his saxophone on the campus quad, comes every week just to heckle you – specifically you – about how your jokes aren’t funny. Whenever you get a chance, you make the forty-minute drive up to San Francisco to hit up an open mic (an open mic that isn’t much more popular than the one you run) and then you make the forty-minute drive back to campus. One night, you get an email. Demetri Martin, one of the most famous headlining comics in America, is coming to your school. He’s going to be performing in front of an audience of 600. And you get to open for him. That’s what happened to my friend Phill. Phill Giliver is a student and open mic comedian based in the San Francisco Bay. This is the story of how he threw his hardworking college-student life out the window for one week so he could perform the set of his life. A lot of people say you shouldn’t meet your hero because you’ll just be disappointed when you encounter them in the flesh. Phill found out what it was like to meet his. And he says, “do it.” Article: http://acomediansnotebook.com/2016/10/opening-for-demetri-martin/ . . . more . . .

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