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AJ FINNEY
The Caravan Comedy Club

| 0 Comments | 609 Views | Back to top | Posted on 02/22/2017 at 10:49 AM
 


I'll be headlining The Caravan Comedy Club 2/23-2/25
Show Times:
Thursday 7:15
Friday and Saturday 7:15 & 9:30

The Caravan Comedy Club
 Mid City Mall, 1250 Bardstown Rd, Louisville, KY 40204 
(502) 459-0022
d
Louisville KY 40204

502 459 0022

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Celebrity Income Breakdown

  • Kellyanne Conway – 18% Political Consulting Fees; 50% White House Salary; 32% Royalties from the Wizard of Oz (Wicked Witch)
  • Vladimir Putin     – 22% President Salary; 60% Oil & Gas Investments; 18% ‘Sexy espionage chat-line’ with U.S. officials
  • Justin Bieber     – 70% Music & tickets sales; 19% T-Shirt Endorsements; 11% Don’t wear a t-shirt endoresements
  • Barack Obama     – 10% Book Sales; 62% Speaking Fees; 28% Sexy photo-ops with Sir Richard Branson
  • Hillary Clinton     – 19% Speaking fees; 33% Political consulting fees; 47% Japanese robot teaching fees
  • Ivanka Trump     – 15% Trump International; 55% Ivanka Trump Line; 30% Kellyanne Conway Referrals to the Ivanke Trump Line
  • Melania Trump  – 29% Melania Trump Line; 71% Air-Bnb
  • Adele     – 32% Music & ticket sales; 68% Break-up ringtone downloads
  • The German Shepherd that won Best In Show at 141st Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show – 72% Winnings;  18% Signature dog biscuit line; 10% Royalties for using his fire hydrants
  • The Trainer of the The German Shepherd that won Best In Show at 141st Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show – 68% Winnings of dogs; 12% Training Fees; 20% Sales of his own fertilizer
  • The American Girl Boy Doll – 76% Sales; 24% Income from being the ‘man of the house’
  • The American Girl Doll – 84% Sales; 16% Child Support (she divorced the ‘man of the house’)

 

Buzzfeed is Running out of lists

  • 11 robots that have more personality than Hillary Clinton
  • 12 people left, that Donald Trump hasn’t lashed-out at on Twitter
  • 15 crazy plots for new Marvel Comics movies
  • 23 dirty names substituted for ‘Amal’ Clooney
  • 15 things broken by Beyonce fans after she didn’t win
  • 18 things Drake said when helping talk a suicidal man off a bridge
  • 12 Selena Gomez ‘Sugar Momma’ dutues
  • 19 trendy love words (like ‘bae’ and ‘boo’) that are not allowed in Scrabble
  • 24 offensive chalk-heart Valentine’s Day sayings
  • 12 other things Kellyanne Conway is promoting on 24 hour news
  • 13 things that would make Sean Spicer’s head explode
  • 17 offensive things PewDiePie will do now that Disney dumped his ass

 

 

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The seventh annual Sareth-Fest Music and Comedy Festival (the name was not my idea) is currently accepting submissions, for 2017. The comedy portion will take place on August 10, 2017 from 4:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. at J Michael's Union Avenue Pub. It will be in the city of Pueblo, Colo. Submissions will be accepted until January 31, 2017 at 12:00 Mountain Time.

For consideration--please email your best 5 minute video (via YouTube, Vimeo, etc.), Electronic Press Kit (EPK) and/or comedysoapbox.com link. The video must be a continuous shot and not a best of compilation. Comedians which hack other comedian's jokes will not be considered. Please send all material, questions, concerns and inquiries to sareth.ney@gmail.com.

There is no submission fee and it is a paying gig. If you have a podcast and would like to set up, you're more than welcome to.

All the best, Sareth Ney Festival Director and Producer of Sareth-Fest Music and Comedy Festival . . . more . . .

MELISSA LOGSDON
January 2017

| 0 Comments | 222 Views | Back to top | Posted on 01/19/2017 at 12:19 PM
 

Here's some clips from my show last night at Lakewood Village Tavern! https://youtu.be/9na4lo5H8nw https://youtu.be/waN1IggDC4M . . . more . . .

ŽIGA HANZIC
Some sick jokes for ya'll!

| 0 Comments | 355 Views | Back to top | Posted on 11/25/2016 at 05:54 AM
 

I decided I want to learn more about programming and databases lately, so I decided to create a website. Now the most difficult thing for me was, deciding what kind of website to start. So I just decided to write a few jokes and put it online. I would worry about the exact content later... And later came and I just kept adding jokes to the website... Still no other idea so I added a few more jokes that made me giggle or shocked my friends... And then I decided to just go with It. I would make my website public and just add jokes to it. Thus Just Jokes was born.

It is nothing special, just a website where I post jokes that I find funny. Some I find online, some were told to me by friends ands some I just made up. I decided to keep adding jokes and maybe improve on the website itself. I'll see how it goes. If you want to check it out it is available on www.justjokes.cf

So I hope you all like the jokes and the website and any comment is always welcome! Thank you all and have a good night!

P.S. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old! . . . more . . .

MIKE RAO
On Video

| 0 Comments | 381 Views | Back to top | Posted on 11/21/2016 at 02:35 PM
 

So, I headlined a show about a month ago and there were cameras there to film a pilot for a stand up comedy series. Long story short, looks like they are going to sell the show and I get to be on TV! What's great about this is, I sat with the director and was able to edit about a 25 min segment of my headline act to send to bookers. He also agreed to cut me a 5 min teaser for You Tube. Thanks Matt Miller. . . . more . . .

JAMAL COLEMAN
my fan collector!

| 0 Comments | 412 Views | Back to top | Posted on 11/04/2016 at 05:07 PM
 

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JENNIFER FINLEY
Upcoming Show

| 0 Comments | 447 Views | Back to top | Posted on 10/28/2016 at 10:46 PM
 

I'll be performing at borderlands brewery in downtown Tucson on November 2nd! . . . more . . .

JOE FERNANDES
Episode 39

| 0 Comments | 442 Views | Back to top | Posted on 10/24/2016 at 10:20 AM
 

This week we talk to Mike in Vegas again which makes us talk about gambling again. Plus some talk about comedy. Subscribe, Rate & Review Follow them www.joefernandes.net www.mikegaffneylive.com   Check out this episode! . . . more . . .

 

Imagine: You’re a mechanical engineering student at Stanford University – one of the most elite colleges in the world. On a typical weeknight, you’re powering through your homework problems for Compressive Flow/Turbo Machinery, studying for an upcoming exam in Fluid Mechanics, building a solar power race car, presenting a camera mount (that you designed) at an engineering fair, or meeting with one of the four student groups that you’re a leader of. Oh, and you do stand up comedy. You run an open mic at the campus coffee shop on Fridays where you perform in front of an audience of maaaaaybe 10 people. By the time the mic is over, there will be 3 of them left. One, an old man who lives in a trailer and plays his saxophone on the campus quad, comes every week just to heckle you – specifically you – about how your jokes aren’t funny. Whenever you get a chance, you make the forty-minute drive up to San Francisco to hit up an open mic (an open mic that isn’t much more popular than the one you run) and then you make the forty-minute drive back to campus. One night, you get an email. Demetri Martin, one of the most famous headlining comics in America, is coming to your school. He’s going to be performing in front of an audience of 600. And you get to open for him. That’s what happened to my friend Phill. Phill Giliver is a student and open mic comedian based in the San Francisco Bay. This is the story of how he threw his hardworking college-student life out the window for one week so he could perform the set of his life. A lot of people say you shouldn’t meet your hero because you’ll just be disappointed when you encounter them in the flesh. Phill found out what it was like to meet his. And he says, “do it.” Article: http://acomediansnotebook.com/2016/10/opening-for-demetri-martin/ . . . more . . .

ROBERT DRIEMEYER
History Repeats Itself

| 0 Comments | 1047 Views | Back to top | Posted on 08/21/2016 at 05:21 PM
 

I took Bikram yoga today for the first time in 10 years. I recalled that I wrote a blog about it the first time I went. Even 10 years older and perhaps 20 lbs heavier the experience was pretty much the same. So here it is, my trauma for your enjoyment.

You'll Never Know Unless You Try, 12/6/06, 04:56 PM

I don't know what got into me this past weekend, but I woke up Saturday morning with this overwhelming urge to take Bikram Yoga, which was odd because I've never taken a Bikram Yoga class before. For that matter I've never taken a yoga class of any kind...ever. So where did this sudden and uncontrollable urge come from? I don't really know.

I've often walked by the studios where they give it and have seen people doing it so I had had a curiosity about it before. Plus on Thanksgiving it came up in conversation and two people, neither of whom I would have associated with physical activity, swore by it. I usually don't succumb to casual recommendations like that. I've also known people who have sworn by Amway, Shaklee and Scientology but I've never been tempted to give any of it a try for myself. But somehow the yoga seed had been planted and the urge had to be satisfied.

Before I get ahead of myself, in case you don't know, Bikram Yoga is a sequence of 26 yoga postures and two breathing exercises developed by Bikram Choudhury that is done in a room heated to 105°F (40.5°C) and accompanied by specific dialogue.

So anyway, I wake up with this inexplicable urge to go to yoga class. I poke around on the internet and find a studio that has a class specifically designed for first-timers down by the Flatiron Building. In a matter of minutes I make a phone call, reserve a spot, pack my bag and am out the door.

I get to the studio, which is up three flights of stairs, walk in and it's like a sauna. Duh. There are three or four people sitting in the lobby all hot and sweaty from having just finished the previous class The men are in shorts and shirtless and the women are in spandex shorts and crop top tanks. You think that might be kind of sexy, right? No such luck. These people looked like reheated death. And might I add, for supposedly health conscious people they were the sorriest looking rag-tag bunch you could imagine.

So I pay the guy at the counter, get a mat, towels and a bottle of water. I go into the very crowded locker room, change into my shorts and sheepishly take my shirt off. For the record, I don't have any real hang-ups with my body. I'm not going to win any Mr. Universe contests, but I have no reason to be embarrassed either. Probably because I was in foreign surroundings, I felt so conspicuous I might as well have been standing their stark naked with fleur-de-lis shaved into my pubic hair.

Locking my modesty away with my personal belongings I took my mat, towels and water and head into, what they refer to as, the "hot box. " Let me put it this way. Have you ever smelled stinky feet? Toe jam? Dirty armpit? Crotch rot? Imagine that all baked into a moldy carpet at 105°F and that's pretty much what the hot box smelled like. Oh yeah, it smelled like "box" too.

After a moment of wrestling with my gag reflex I situated my mat and watched the other first timers come in and do the same (gag and place their mat, that is). Finally the teacher, Brigit-Ann entered. She was very pleasant and gave a brief summary of what we were about to do. Once everyone introduced themselves and apprised her of their previous physical injuries we were off and running.

We started with a deep breathing exercise. This was particularly difficult since the odor made you want to breathe as little as possible. The first two or three deep whiffs almost knocked me out, and after 5 or 6 more my brain was forced to decide whether to ignore the smell or induce vomiting. Thankfully it chose to ignore the smell and we moved on to the standing poses.

The first poses were more like stretches, to one side then the other, then back. Then we did this squat sort of thing and the teacher who has been yammering away since we started (hence the "accompanied by specific dialogue" part of the class) says that this is the "awkward pose. "

No sh*t.

Then as if we're playing a solo game of Twister without the mat we move on to the "eagle. "

Personally I thought THAT should have been called the awkward pose.

It was round about the pose called the "triangle" that I blacked-out for the first time.

I know it doesn't look hard, but try doing it after you've just had your ankles wrapped around your torso.

I didn't actually faint or anything, I just all of a sudden realized that my eyes were open and I couldn't see anything. Then we moved on to the floor positions and I thought thank God, at least if I do pass out I'll already be on the floor.

My least favorite was the "rabbit" which, you'd think should have been my favorite since it resembled something like inverted auto-fellatio.

Brigit-Ann kept saying, "Breath normally, breath normally. " Which begs the question, "What is normal breathing when you have your head stuck up your a **?"

Finally the class ended and there I was on the brink of dehydration lying on my mat in a three inch deep puddle of my own sweat. My fingertips were shriveled as if I had been soaking in a hot tub for the better part of a day. And according to BA (as she preferred to be called) I had just worked every muscle in my body, I was detoxified and my chakras were cleansed or what-have-you.

I finally got the gumption to pick myself up off the floor and get myself back to the locker room where I showered and changed. The ordeal was over.

Never in my life have I suffered through such intense physical toil. However, once I got myself back to neutral, so to speak, I felt almost euphoric. Trust me, euphoric isn't a word I use all that often. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've every used it. The funniest part of all, is that even if the joke's on me, I think I'm going back. . . . more . . .

ISAAC THOMAS
This Week in Jokes! - Donald Trump Wins Nomination

| 0 Comments | 1375 Views | Back to top | Posted on 05/09/2016 at 07:17 PM
 

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DANNY LITTLEJOHN
help a dying comedian out

| 0 Comments | 1860 Views | Back to top | Posted on 02/22/2016 at 06:34 PM
 

The Quincy Jones you know doesn't need any help, but the Quincy Jones I know does.

He used to be a Seattle comedian, but has been taking his shot down in LA for the last few years.

He was recently diagnosed with mesothelioma at the ripe old age of 30-something. To quote Marc Maron, "what the fuck!" am I right?

As displayed by the quickness the measely $4,985 goal was attained, you can see how loved he is.

I haven't seen or talked to him pretty much since he left for LA, but when I was a newbie to comedy he was always welcoming and made me feel that my jokes mattered.

Quincy matters and his dream matters, so pitch in if you can and share on social media to get the word out.

All proceeds above and beyond the $4985 goal will go toward making his special as kick ass as possible and everything beyond that goes directly to Quincy to cover his medical costs.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2043275071/comedian-dying-of-cancer-hopes-to-make-a-stand-up

Thanks,

Danny . . . more . . .

RHONDA HANSOME
Rescue The Red Cross? By Rhonda Hansome

| 0 Comments | 2566 Views | Back to top | Posted on 09/17/2015 at 01:14 PM
 

Biased?
(check)

Judgemental?
(check)

Suspicious?
(check)

Jealous?
(check)

Yes Dear Reader, when it comes to charities I am all these things.

In 2015 the wealthy are richer than ever and increase their riches every minute.

"Money can't buy happiness.", you say.

And that is so true, in some alternate universe. 

Truth be told

Money and its accompanying access to power, authority and resources 

can definitely impact the quality of your unhappiness.

The Super Rich, and UBER RICH are entitled to do as they please with inherited money, insider trading spoils and largess from cheating unfortunates with forged paper and manipulated  laws.

But when it comes to charity...

As Wealthy Give Smaller Share of Income to Charity, Middle Class Digs Deeper


The rapidly becoming poorer give to this, that and the other cause. Where does their money go?
Frequently to the Red Cross. 
And that gets my goat! That is, if I actually had a real goat in my 4th floor apartment. 

Just what the heck is up with the shenanigans of long established "charitable" institutions?

Let's look at the tip of the iceberg next week when this is continued...




I'm #NotYourGrandmasComic but #YourCrazyAuntLovesMe

Look for, follow, like and repost me on Instagram, Twitter, & LinkedIn 
BTW on Tumblr I'm "rhondafull". Soon I'll figure out how to post THAT link.
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I applied for a background check so that I can volunteer at school. I had to recall everyone I’ve lived with and every address and/or phone number I’ve had since 1975. This took a REALLY, REALLY long time. However, I’m not sure I was recalling actual addresses or those that were on TV. It’s possible I may have lived at 4077 Mash Street in Beverly Hills 90210, and one of my numbers MAY have been 867-5309. However I passed.

Then I had to be fingerprinted. This was cool. I went to a pack n ship place and had them done by a woman who had NO IDEA what she was doing. I had a lot of time to spare as I was awaiting my scheduled time for my TB test, and there was no line, so I thought I’d have fun. Here are some things that make fingerprinting difficult for people.

  1. (Fake) cough in your hand JUST before she has to take ahold of your finger. She’ll be hesitant. It’s funny, because she HAS to do it. Watching the inner struggle is worth the extra few minutes. It’s better when you do it to the other hand as well.
  2. Now she isn’t pressing your fingers for you. This makes the next part fun. Being extra shaky from all the caffeine you had just prior makes getting a print difficult. It’s fun to watch her reset the computer each time. Also, when she asks you to press hard, say you are, even if you aren’t really touching the screen. Eventually this brings her back to #1, and she’ll take your hand and do it for you. Saying “Ow” is also effective during this part. Sometimes prints are difficult if your hands are dry. If you are wiping the other hand when she isn’t looking, getting a good print is difficult. This is where #3 comes in.
  3. When your hands are dry, they have a bottle of lotion next to the scanner. She’ll ask you to use a little. This is where your idea of a little greatly differs from hers. The amount of time it takes to rub a few large squirts of hand lotion into your hands is the same amount of time it takes a technician to look at the clock 7 times.

When you are finished, make sure you thank her and shake her hand.

Sali-Hughes-hand-cream-001

Next was the TB test. I had mine at Minute Clinic. It costs 23.00 to have the injection and when I go back it will cost 23.00 for her to read the site. She circled it with a Sharpie. I thought it was a cool effect. She will be surprised with all the sharpie circles I now have on both forearms. I think it’s a compliment to her TB artistry. All she told me was NOT to cover the site, with band aids or duct tape. She did not tell me I couldn’t complement it. I think she should have to work for the second 23.00 which is a BULLSHIT charge for me to wait 2 hours for something that will take her 17 seconds.

I also think the TB test that gives me clearance for 3 years is stupid. There is nothing stopping me from heading to China, or Kansas, and getting TB and bringing it back and sharing it with the entire district the day after I send in my approved, negative test.   I am grateful that Jared didn’t give all those kids TB though, so TB tests must prevent something!

However, my process is nearing completion. I will be able to read in the library if needed. I am sickened to think of what could have happened LAST year when they asked me to accompany the freshman to Philly with only my signed affidavit. O the numerous times I have been asked to bring items into the school for a teachers’ luncheon prior to being tested! I am absolutely terrified of the damage that I could have done prior to a particular law that changed my volunteer capability, demanding that I spend, after all is said and done, nearly $100.00 and several hours worth of my time, so that I can prove that I am not a contagious lung hacking, pedophile-felon.

However, all they have proved, is that people undergoing and passing these checks have just NOT BEEN CAUGHT BEING FELONS OR PEDOPHILES or EXPOSED YET TO TB, therefore it is an uncontrolled setting and thus A FAILED EXPERIMENT.

However I will get to go on field trips now, so I am happy. :)

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STEVE 'THE NUCLEAR GUY'
The Prodigal Son in Wonderland...

| 0 Comments | 3969 Views | Back to top | Posted on 08/21/2015 at 06:10 PM
 

Well, two weeks into our return to Idaho Falls… I’m working three nights a week and looking for some daytime work… We’re living on a farm in Shelley, ID… Thanks, Vicki… It a homecoming of sorts for the boys… They’ve spent a lot of time at this wonderland in the past…

The Prodigal Son??? Yes, I suppose my return to Idaho Falls could fall into that description… I’m sure some of you assumed that upon reading the title of this blog… I’m also sure some of you are “wondering” what the hell I’m doing back here… I’m “wondering”, too…

But we’re not here today to talk about me…

No… My “Prodigal Son” is in “Wonderland” with so much room to run and the wide variety of horse and cow shit to roll in… He’s already sampled various “bath shits” since we’ve been here…

He’s also disappeared several times “through the looking grass”… The grass fields surrounding the farm are high enough to hide him and leave me “wondering” where the hell he is…

After his latest adventure this afternoon… He came back tail wagging, a smile on his face and expecting a scolding…

But he came back happy, healthy and CLEAN!!! So there was no need to meet him soap and a washcloth…


My “Prodigal Son” was welcomed home with hugs and kisses… 


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