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Fantasy Fist Fight

| 0 Comments | 4160 Views | Back to top | Posted on 12/20/2006 at 02:19 PM
 

Fantasy Fist Fight- noun. 1. a fictional battle waged between two or more entities. these entities may be people (living, dead, or fictional), animals, deities, forces of nature, etc. 2. a game often played by adolescent males who are in dire need of female companionship.

Today's Fights:

1. Hugh Hefner Vs. Thousands of Bees (Hefner gets a pesticide gun):

One's every man's dream: rich, cool, and surrounded by beautiful women. The other's a swarm of deadly insects aiming to take him down. Has the founder of Playboy magazine finally met his match? To make things a little more even, we'll give Hef a gun that shoots a pesticide blend. It should take out about 50 bees per shot. But all the viagra and silicone in the world won't stop a tremendous swarm of killer bees (i think...). Fight ends with the bees delivering enough stings to Hefner's body that he is killed almost instantly. In his honor, his family begins the "Hugh Hefner Society to Test Bee Resistance Against Viagra and Silicone."

2. Larry David Vs. Chewbacca:

Wookiees are known for their incredible strength, often ripping the arms off their board-game opponents. Jews are not. Wookiees are 6-8 feet tall. Jews are not. Wookiees have retractable claws. Jews might. Things aren't looking good for Larry. But wait! There's hope yet! Little does Chewbacca know that Larry David has the power of wit. Digging deep into his comedic bag o' tricks, Larry pulls out a joke about two Sandpeople that walk into a Cantina. Chewbacca is paralyzed with deep, Wookiee laughter, and out of gratitude for Larry's gift, pledges him a "Wookiee Life Debt" (For those of you who don't know, wookiees are very appreciative toward those who help them. It is a well-known fact in the Star Wars universe. Don't judge me.)

3. Me Vs. My Own Loneliness

You decide.

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